Good & Bad Days

 Sometimes the way I "feel" can be a bit mind boggling for me to fully comprehend. I have specialists and doctors telling me that it's all apart of the mending process. However, it's a bit unnerving when one day I can feel perfectly fine... (that includes: being able to speak without any stuttering whatsoever, and being able to type full and coherent sentences without taking longer than an hour to convey what I'm actually trying to say.) But then there are some days, like today, where I find it difficult to simply type out a word that I can very clearly see in my head. I know what I want to say, but I constantly have to reread my sentences because I have a tendency of repeating or losing track of what I was initially trying to say from the get-go.

By all means, I am not sitting here complaining or asking for sympathy. I just find it to be slightly relieving to actually type out the jumbled mess that often takes place in my head.

At the same time, I also want people who are going through similar situations to understand that it's okay to have good and bad days. I know its frustrating and knocks down regained confidence, but just know that this is "normal."
Not only am I reaching out to those who are/or have dealt with this type of recovery process-- I am also trying to express what it's like for those who haven't had anything similar happen to them. To be perfectly honest, I was pretty ignorant to the idea of wearing a helmet simply because I thought I had the power to protect myself. It wasn't because I felt silly wearing one, or because I couldn't be bothered.. I just never could imagine myself in this type of situation. It's a bit surreal. You can witness an accident, or hear a story about some sort of tragedy.. and in that moment you either think to yourself, "Wow, I need to be more careful." or, "That will never happen to me."

When I would hear about horse related accidents and how a helmet saved someone's life.. I remember thinking, "Well, gee. I should get on board with that." Somehow along the way, I just never followed through with it. I'd like to remind people that just because you may be an excellent rider or have a completely trained horse- always expect the unexpected and be safe over being incautious and assuming everything will be O.K because it's you.

"I can't believe you're getting more horses!"

Since my accident, I have lost a horse and somehow gained three more. Shortly after the incident, my dad's horse had to be put down. It was completely devastating and hard to cope with; especially when my emotions were (and have been) intensified due to my brain injury.

My horse, Shyanne, is a bit needy when it comes to "friends," so I knew I had to find her another companion. I tried to spend as much time with her as I could, but her separation anxiety would really tense me up. During the first few weeks, I found it difficult being around her. I would have panic attacks and kind of relive the day of the accident. It's really bizarre how the mind works. I've been doing a lot better with that sort of thing now.. But, I'll still get a little worked up on my "bad" days.

Anyways, not only did Shyanne need a friend replacement... So did my dad. I ended up finding two really great horses at a local ranch. We were planning on only taking the little Arabian-mix, because my dad would be able to begin working with her very lightly. By the time I would have healed completely is when I would be able to begin working with her under a saddle. Plus, Shyanne would have a new friend to keep her company.

However, Belle (the pony) kind of sneaked her way into all of our hearts. I'm unable to do much with any of the horses... but little Belle is basically a huge dog. She's been really helping me with my confidence (due to her docile mannerism) and it's been aiding me in getting comfortable with Shyanne again.

That's how that happened.

However, if you know us.. We're a little excessive... :) This is Tilly... Our newest addition to the family!

Just because something bad happens.. Doesn't necessarily mean you should just quit or cut it out of your life. I know a lot of people think I'm crazy for still loving horses as much as I do after such circumstances... but it's basically like telling someone to omit a part of them that helps define their definition of "happiness." :)